I've lost count of the number of times I've yelled "calm down, please!"
It's the first thing that comes to mind. And it's also how I was raised. But let's be honest. When has yelling "calm down" actually helped your kid calm down? Never!
So, what can we do and say that is actually helpful?
Before saying anything. The first step is to check in with ourselves before we try to support our child. How are we feeling? What do we need in order to be able to support them effectively? Do we need a minute before approaching them? Once we've taken care of our own needs, we can turn to our child and try some of these helpful phrases and techniques:
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"Do you want me to hug you? Or do you want to sit here? You can come find me when you're ready." Sometimes, children just need to be held and comforted. Other times, they may prefer to be left alone for a little while.
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"I can see you are upset. Can you tell me where you feel it in your body?" This can help your child start to recognize and name their emotions, which is an important step in learning to cope with them.
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"How about we try blowing some bubbles?" Blowing bubbles can be a calming and soothing activity for both children and adults.
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"Let's try again. Are you ready?" If your child is feeling frustrated or upset because they're having difficulty with a task, this phrase can help them feel supported and encouraged to keep trying.
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"I am here for you. What do you need to feel better?" This shows your child that you're there to support them and that their needs and feelings matter.
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"I get upset too sometimes. Let's use our big voices to let the angry feelings out!" This can be a helpful way to release pent-up emotions and tension in a safe and healthy way.
There are many ways that parents can support their children when they're upset or distressed. By using these helpful phrases and techniques, you can help your child feel supported, validated, and empowered to cope with their emotions in a healthy way.